Twisted adventure
by Vengeful
Summary: A bunch of Different Characters from this and other shows get dropped into a fictional universe. better than it sounds and NEVER BEFORE BEEN DONE! includes SN, CG. Now, Four years later, witness a newly added warning...err, I mean foreword.
1. Default Chapter

**_Foreword: Added August 14, 2007 (and amended a few hours later due to the fact that the author found some grammatical errors): _**

**_Hello. I assume that if you have stumbled upon this story, all these years after its completion, you are either new, or perhaps followed some link from some site where this was mentioned in a very unbecoming manner (and rightly so, I may add). Whatever the case, you have been most unfortunate to find this piece of garbage, and if now, either out of sick curiosity or masochistic tendencies, you feel the urge to read this, I feel I must offer you some words of advice. _**

**_First, above all, please remember that I wrote this four years ago. I was going into my freshman year of high school. I had just discovered Fanfiction. In short, I was not very good. Obviously, I have changed radically since those days. My writing now is, I daresay, much better than this. _**

**_Second, I suggest that if you are a purist for any fandom represented here, you have padding available and a box of tissues, as the bastardization of characterization will make you want to_ _repeatedly bang your head against the nearest hard surface, and will make you want to sob. I also strongly suggest hiding the bleach, for you might feel the need to attempt to blind yourself. _**

**_Yes, this story is that bad. I manage to utterly destroy the canon of many different shows and books, as well as make a mockery of the English language. This story is terrible, I am telling you. In fact, I might even say that it is almost as unfixable and painful to stand as the Bush administration. I don't know if it is worse that that, for the Bush administration is pretty damn awful. Still, so is this story. It is even worse than my 'oh my abused brat gets randomly dropped into Tortall with her horse' story. Yeah, it is that bad. _**

**_So, I leave you with this warning, for I feel it is my duty, as I put this abysmal creation on here. Why, you may ask, have I not taken it down? Well, because I wish for it to serve as a reminder of what not to do when writing Fanfiction. Why, you may also ask, have I not gone over it to at least fix the grammar? Well, frankly, I am too scared to read this. Perhaps one day, when I am feeling quite brave, I will read it. However, for the same reason I will not take it down, I will not change the grammar. This is a fine example of how not to write, and it should be sufficiently scary to make some new authors refrain from writing as such. _**

**_Well, all that must be said has been said. If you still wish to read this, I wish you much luck. Remember that I have warned you. _**

**_Emily_**

**_Now, the real horror...err, story begins._ **

**A/N: ok, here is my newest story. Now, this is something that has NEVER EVER BEEN DONE BEFORE! What are happening are our favorite characters from different T.V shows have been dropped into the land of Tortall and are meeting up with that gang. Now, this story will be funny, I promise you. The shows are CSI, CSI Miami, Law And Order: SVU, and Cold Case. This Idea may not work out if you don't know all of the shows, and the Tamora Pierce books, it might be funny if you don't know them though. And of course I have all of your (well, actually mine but, still. Lol) favorite pairings. Why am I doing this? Well, I'm tired of the same stories being repeated over and over and over and over. Well, I actually don't know about Law&Order: SVU and Cold Case and CSI Miami, and kinda not CSI. But still, it's different. I guess I will let you guys judge it for your selves. Oh yah, this story is posted on the boards of all of the following shows and the Tamora Pierce board. So, without further ado, here is the First story of its type. Oh yah, I forgot. I'm stranding these people without their favorite gadgets. Mwahahahaha. So, read and REVIEW! Enjoy!**

**Emily**

Gil Grissom sat at his rather cluttered desk, studying a bug when the phone rang. "Hello?" he frowned. "Sounds big, I will bring the whole group."

Thirty minutes later Catherine drove into a secluded desert area, only to meet up with the rest of the night shift. "What's going on? There's nothing here. I thought Gris. Said it was big," she asked Sara.

"I don't know." She replied, as confused as Catherine

"Cath, you know what's going on?" asked Nick as he, Warrick, and Greg came up to the confused woman.

"Good, your all here. I think the scene might be that way." Gil came up to the group. "Lets go". But as they walked, they suddenly felt the ground begin to shake and a whole appeared in the desert ground. Screams could be heard as the six fell in.

Meanwhile, in Miami, Horatio Caine had also just received a call, a case similar to the one in Las Vegas. He sighed and picked up his cell to call the rest of the lab. This one seemed big.

Calleigh was surprised when she arrived at the crime scene. Erik, Speed, Horatio and Yelina were all there, but she saw no evidence of a crime. "What's going on?" she asked as she got out of the Hummer.

"We think the scene might be a bit further out," replied Horatio. As with the Las Vegas CSI's, they got a very large surprise when the ground started to shake.

In New York, Olivia Benson And Elliot Stabler were responding to a report of a rape/murder. Must I say that they arrived to an empty place?

"Is this someone's idea of a joke?" asked a very annoyed Elliot

"Guess so. But lets look around a little before we leave." Replied an equally annoyed Olivia.

Well, as you can see the pattern here, they got sucked in the whole. (A/N: sorry this is SO boring. It gets a lot better. I promise. Bear with me for a little bit longer.)

And of course Detective Lilly Rush and Detective Scotty Valens got the call in Philadelphia had the same damn boring thing happen.

Ok, FINALLY the boring parts over. Now we have fun.

Every one ok? Gil's voice called out, soon repeated by some of the other detectives, and CSI's. Sitting up, he looked around. They weren't alone. He recognized Horatio Caine from the CSI Miami crime lab, and some of the Miami CSI's. He also recognized the man and woman, the SVU detectives, from T.V; they had cracked many high profile cases. There was also a blond woman with a younger man. Those cold case detectives.

"What happened?" drawled Calleigh.

"That's what I would like to know," replied Elliot.

Every one else broke into rambled conversation, until Olivia yelled, "stop! Lets figure out why we are here, and heck, who everyone is."

Ten minutes later, they had gotten know where, except for learning they were all involved in law enforcement.

"WHAT is going on here?" yelled an unfamiliar voice. They large group looked to see a small woman, wearing strange clothing. She had fiery red hair and violet eyes.

"That, my friend, is what we are trying to figure out." And with that he whipped out his sunglasses, like he always does after saying something like that. Only, his sunglasses weren't there. In fact... "MY CLOTHES! What happened to my normal clothes? And my sunglasses?" sure enough, when they had all been transferred, their clothing had gone from their normal clothing to dresses for the woman and breeches for the men. Meaning yes, the woman gasp didn't have their normal tight, cleavage showing outfits. Also,

"My field kit!"

"My Gun!"

Alanna looked at the group of people. Noticing the young woman a bit further away, she called to her. "Daine, get Numair over here NOW. Its important."

"Alright, I will try to tear him away from his books" Daine says as she headed to their rooms.

Fifteen minutes later the girl came back. "He's coming," she said, coming up to Alanna. She noticed the group. "Who are they?"

"I'm not sure. They just kind of appeared here."

"Who are you two, and where are we?" this was Sara.

"Um, I'm Alanna, and that's Daine. And this is Tortall".

"WHERE is that?" Lilly asked.

Daine and Alanna just stared at her. Suddenly, a tall man with dark black hair that was pulled into a ponytail came up behind Daine. He wrapped his arms around Daine, who obviously was much younger and kissed her. "Hello magelet. Now, what is this about Alanna needing me?"

Olivia looked at Elliot. "Ok, step away from the girl! Don't you touch her you pedophile." Now, you have to remember, to them, what they have is really now a day's known as child molestation. So to our detectives and CSI's, whar they just witnessed was wrong.

"Daine, Alanna, and Numair looked strangely at the Detectives, who along with the CSI's and Cold Case detectives had surrounded the three Tortallians.

"I think they are mad," whispered Daine.

Alanna nodded. Ya, maybe we should lock them up."

A/N: ok, well, that the first chappy. It may not be good. I don't know about this idea guys. I'm not sure. I need you guys to REVIEW. As I said, I may not continue this story. I'm just not sure. If you would like me to, please please tell me. So, REVIEW!

Emily


	2. Confusion

**A/N: sorry I haven't uploaded in FOREVER. I kinda got in trouble with fan fic and couldn't upload for a week. But now I'm BACK! Lol. Well, as you know, I'm making chaos in Tortall. Hehehe. Also, so we can clear up some things. Daine and Numair are a Tamora Pierce couple. Numair happens to be almost twice Daine's age though. I still love them though! Lol. Also, Alanna is a lady knight in Tortall. She is the only one, though when this story takes place, a girl named Kel is in Knight training. Now that I have this cleared up, everything's good! Lol. So just press the pretty button to review.**

**Emily**

**Disclaimer: ok, none of these characters belong to me. The Tortallians and Tortall belong to Tamora Pierce, The CSI's and Cold Case detectives belong to Jerry Bruckheimer, and The SVU detectives belong to Dick Wolf. Though I wouldn't mind owning some of the characters. Lol. So don't sue, I'm just a poor equestrian (and yes, later in this story I will introduce Cloud and some other horses.)**

* * *

The two groups stood, staring at each other intently. Olivia was the first to speak. "How old are you?" she demanded to Daine.

"18." Was the reply?

"Oh, um, well, he's still to old!" said a very embarrassed Olivia, along with a nod of agreement from a blushing Elliot.

"Ok, we need to examine the evidence here. There's some scientific explanation." This came from Grissom, who until than had been very quiet.

"We are dropped into a place we have never heard of, along with other law enforcement workers from other states, we are suddenly dressed in strange cloths, we have none of the personal belongings we had before we were dropped here, and your thinking about the EVIDENCE?" Warrick asked, plainly annoyed.

Alanna, Daine, and Numair just stared at the Americans, thinking that they were extremely crazy.

"Ooh! Is that a sword?" asked Calleigh, pointing to the practice sword Alanna had been using before this fiasco occurred. She, Sara, Catherine, Lilly, Yelina, and Olivia all walked over to the read headed woman, intrigued by the strange weapon. Immediately they girls walked off with Alanna to get a demonstration, leaving the men together.

"Erm, I'm going with Alanna." Daine than took off extremely fast, just wanting to get out of this strange situation.

"Well, there has to be some reason this happened. Maybe some other powerful mage was doing an experiment and it backfired."

"Wait, are you implying the reason we are here is magical?" Grissiom just couldn't believe what this man was saying.

"Yeah, that's impossible!" agreed Speed.

"There has to be some scientific reason," piped up Eric.

"Damn Calliegh's cute." This random statement obviously came from Greg. Warrick and Nick just glared at him.

"Well, what are we going to do for now, considering we obviously can't solve this in one day." This was from Scotty.

Numair sighed. They would have to keep these strange people for a while. They couldn't just let them fend for themselves. "We will try to arrange some rooms for you guys, and some clothes."

"Do you have any latex gloves?" Horatio wondered out loud.

"Yah that would be a good start, to figuring this out." Elliot was finally getting over his embarrassment.

Numair looked very confused. "What are latex gloves?"

The guys gasped in a mixture of horror and disbelief.

Grissom was the first to recover. "Y-y-you don't have latex gloves?" he was horrified. How were they to collect evidence when this strange place didn't even have the most basic of materials?

"I think we need to get some rooms to sleep in, I think Gris is going to need to lie down."

Grissom glared at Nick.

"I agree with Nick." Warrick said in his friends defence. He continued. "We need to just relax and think about it. Lets get the girls and figure out where we are going to sleep."

"Yah, I will take you to the palace. We can talk more there and find some extra rooms." Numair turned to lead the men back.

"No latex gloves. How can that be? No supplies. My kit, there are no latex gloves." Grissom kept murmuring over and over to himself.

"Its gonna be alright man, its all ok." Warrick and Nick comforted the shocked Grissom, gently leading him to the palace.

A/N: well, there was chapter 2! I really hope you liked. Tell me what you think. Should I continue with my story? Stop? TELL ME! Flames ARE allowed, as long as they are INTELLIGENT! Please don't send me stupid flames, that's just annoying. But please do review. R/R!

Emily


	3. Men

**A/N: ok, well this idea just kind of came to me. Lol. So please enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: none of this is mine. Tortallians are Tamora Pierces, CSI's and Cold case detectives are Jerry Bruckheimer, and The SVU detectives belong to Dick Wolf. Though I wouldn't mind owning some of the characters. Lol.**

An hour later, every one had been situated in rooms. Because the only rooms available were two suites, the men and women were each assigned one, much to Grissiom, Warrick, and Nick's dismay. The other guys soon would share this dismay though, on account of being stuck in the same rooms as Greg. And of course, men just cant get along, which was obvious when Eric made the comment "Sara's pretty hot", which caused Nick to flash a deadly glare at him. And that erupted into accusations from Eric that Nick wasn't dating her, and that developed into a fight. Men. Grissom didn't hear any of this, on account of he had fainted from the shock of no latex gloves. Warrick and Scotty were just watching the fight with amusement, Greg was grilling Speed about Calleigh, and Elliot watched Nick and Eric fight for a while before walking off muttering something about how he was glad he was married and didn't have to deal with that kind of thing.

Meanwhile, in the Next room, the women, along with Alanna and Daine, who had joined the Americans in their rooms, were bonding over something they all had in common: the ability to kick men's asses.

"You have got to teach me how to use that thing!" exclaimed Calleigh to Alanna.

"Yeah! We need it to put Greg in his place at the lab!" laughed Catherine. The woman dissolved into laughter.

"Can you just imagine the look on a suspects face if we faced him with a sword?" gasped Olivia, a little out of breath from laughing so hard.

"Humph, the cases we sometimes solve are so old the murder weapon could be a sword!" Lilly giggled.

"So, what do you guys do, I mean, you say crime solving and detective work. What exactly does it mean?" Daine was very interested in these strangers.

"Well, me, Cath, and Calleigh are Crime scene investigators. Meaning we get called after a crime, like a murder or something, has been committed. We look for clues to solve the case. Like fingerprints and hairs and stuff. We call it evidence."

"I'm a detective. I go after the bad guy based on the CSI's clues. I also get the suspect and ask them questions." Added Yelina.

"I'm also a detective, except I go after people who commit sex crimes, like rapes, and crimes against children."

"And I am a detective, like Yelina and Olivia. Only I solve cases that were closed earlier due to lack of leads. I reopen them and solve them"

Daine and Alanna stood mystified as Lilly concluded.

"What do y'all do?" asked Calleigh, in her southern drawl.

"I'm a lady knight. The first and only, well, accept Kel but she's not a knight yet, she's still in training. I'm also a pretty powerful mage and healer."

"Um, Alanna, what's a mage?" Yelina asked.

"Its like a wizard, we can do magic and stuff like that."

"Yeah" agreed Daine, "but I'm a different type of mage. Meaning I can shape shift into animals, talk to them, and hear them talk back, and heal them with my magic."

"Yeah right. I'm sorry but I just cannot believe that. Its just not scientific" exclaimed Sara.

Daine and Alanna smirked at each other. Suddenly Daine's clothing fell. All the woman, except for Alanna, shrieked as right before their eyes, Daine became one of her favorite shapes, a wolf. To confuse them more, Daine then changed her wolf mouth human and grinned. "That convince you? Now, Alanna, wanna show them a bit of your magic while I change back?"

Alanna laughed. "Of course!" she winked at Daine and looked at the women. She called her purple magic and casted a bright light.

The Criminalist and detectives were, to say the least dumbfounded. They looked at Daine, who was going behind a screen to transform.

"She isn't clothed when she shifts back to human shape," Alanna told the group, who stood with their jaws dropped.

While this was going on, in the men's rooms, Grissom had just woken up. The other guys were all to preoccupied notice Grissom was walking out the door! And he was still crazy.

"I must find some kind of clue to this. I have to!" Grissiom kept thinking this to himself as he wondered out side. His wonderings took him to the stables; putting him in Clouds stall.

"Hey, want to go see the stables?" suggested Daine, eager to show off the animals."

"Ok"

"Sure"

"Sounds good"

"Will they bite?"

The group agreed, talking all at once. So down to the stables they went. But when they were walking down the barn aisles, they heard a large commotion, coming from Clouds stall. They quickly followed Daine to the small mares stall. There, they found the shaggy grey pony was hold Grissom by the shirt up in the air and was shaking him.

"Cloud? What are you doing?" Daine yelled both aloud and in mind speech.

"This strange man was poking around and touching me. I didn't like it so I stopped him."

A/N: well, there's chapter 3! I hope you liked it! Please tell me what you think by dropping me a review! I love to hear from you guys. Flames are allowed, as long as they are INTELLIGENT! So, please review. Tell me what you think.

Also, Cloud is Daines pony mare, which has a major attitude. She is very smart. Just so you know. Now, don't just sit there, REVIEW!

Emily


	4. tight pants and cleavage:oh my!

**A/N: sorry I haven't updated in forever. I have been really sick for the past few days and before that, bad writers block. I'm still not 100 better, but I'm sure reviews would help me a lot. Lol. Um, o yah, people, if you don't like me describing horses "to the last hair", sorry but there's a whole lot more of that! Lol. Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: none of this is mine. Wish it was, but I wasn't blessed with them.**

It took a while to pull Grissom from Cloud, on account of everyone was bent over in laughter. They were finally able to drag Grissom to the men's rooms. Horatio was the one to open the door and just stood there shaking his head at the sight of the group of woman holding up a confused Grissom.

"I think this belongs to you" Sara managed to choke out before dissolving into another fit of laughter.

"Um, thanks." Horatio took Grissom from the ladies and brought him back to the rooms. Greg was now asking Speed if he thought Calleigh would go out with him. Already Speed was wondering how he could get Greg to shut up without getting arrested.

The next morning (A/N: sorry, I couldn't think up anything else to do for the night, so I'm skipping to morning because I have a plan. Lol.) A knock on the door interrupted the resting girls. Luckily, in their lines of work, most of them were used to being waken up early. Catherine opened up the door to find a large, cheery woman. "Hello! I am mistress Selman. I am here to do your fittings for clothing!"

Catherine blinked a few times. "What?"

"Well, you came here with only those clothes on your back! So we are fitting you with some new ones. Now, hurry up." Ten minutes later, six women were being hustled into a cluttered room. "First please!" Lilly nervously stepped up to the woman. She produced a knotted rope from her apron and started taking measurements. She walked over to a cabinet and took out some garments. Handing them to Lilly, she commanded her to try it on. She quickly goes through the bunch without trouble. The trouble hit after the Americans were dressed. They all looked extremely uncomfortable in the loose garments that left not cleavage.

"Do you have anything with more Cleavage?" Yelina asked, not comfortable with the possibility of being stuck cleavagless.

"Yeah, and anything maybe tighter?" Olivia added. Soon the poor woman was being bombarded with some very angry CSI's and detectives.

"Ok! The only things we have are these and dresses, which show some of what you call 'cleavage'" though there is that ball coming up, so we might put you in some gowns." Sara's face paled at the mention off balls and gowns.

"Aww, don't be so sad Sara." Catherine comforted the younger girl.

"Yeah, it might be a good time for your friend Nick to tell you how he feels." Sara's expression changed from angry to confused at Yelina's statement.

"Yeah, and maybe Horatio will make his move on you!" Calleigh smirked as Yelina shot her a murderous look. Soon the conversation was on the men.

"What do you think about Greg?" Sara and Catherine asked Calleigh. They knew their young lab tech and knew he was defiantly going to go after the southern blonde. She shrugged.

"He's cute."

"Just wait 'til he starts talking." Catherine murmured under her breath. As they talked about that, most of the guys were already trying to figure out how to shut up Greg.

"Ok, here's the situation. We are stuck in a place we have never heard have and we are stuck with Greg, who won't shut up." Scotty, Warrick, Nick, Speed, and Erik were trying to figure out a plan. Horatio and Grissom were in another room, talking about evidence of course. The men had also been fitted, but they didn't really have much trouble there. The only trouble at the moment they faced was named Greg.

A/N: man that one stunk. I'm so sorry that chapter was not one of my better ones. I had major writers block and I needed to get something up. Actually, I could use some Ideas. I'm running out of things to do here. If you do have some ideas that you want to share with me, please email me at Of course I will give you credit for them. And a few quick notes. I have nothing against Grissom or Greg. But as you can see, I am having lots of fun bashing them. And I don't plan on stopping. I find them fun to make fun of; I like them a lot though. And I am a Nick/Sara fan. So, obviously that will be the major romance, though I will have a whole bunch of other pairs. But defiantly NO Gris/Sara. Lol. I promise it will get funnier though. Just thought you should know those few things. Um, please Review! I want to know what you guys think.

Emily


	5. The Balldumdudududum

**A/N: ok, well, first off let me say Happy Fourth Of July! Now be nice and review. Lol. Well, like other chapters, this idea came to me. Yes, it's the ball! Lol. Not that I would know if you guys wanted me to continue or not, 'cause you people wont review. Erm, I will give you a... yummy piece of cake if you review! Lol. So, REVIEW!**

**Emily**

**Disclaimer: nope, not mine. They all belong to very smart, rich people, none of which I am.**

Mistress. Selma had mentioned a ball in the dressing room. When it was mentioned around Alanna, the Knight grimaced. "Don't remind me," she pouted.

"Well, what's the deal with it? Will we be able to go?" Olivia asked the question they had all been wondering.

"Yeah, I think so." Daine Answered. Then she laughed. "Sara, your face looks just like Alanna's right now." Sara just rolled her eyes. Meanwhile, the men had a different reaction when Numair told them.

"Awesome, I think." Scotty said.

"So, are there many single babes? OWCH!" Greg yelled the last part after Warrick smacked him in the head. Numair just shook his head. He wondered if all people from the future were crazy.

As the Americans talked about the ball and hurried around to find makeup to wear, for it was tomorrow, the Tortallians were sitting in a large study along with King Jonathan and Queen Thayet, discussing the newcomers. "Do you think they are dangerous?" Jonathan was at once concerned about his palaces safety.

"I don't. The girls are actually quite nice." Daine defended the new people.

"Well the men are crazy." Numair snapped back.

"So are you!" Daine smirked at Numair, who blushed.

"Alright children stop bickering!" Thayet broke into the couples quarrel. "Alanna, you have anything to add?"

"I agree with Daine." Alanna's voice was stiff, as she shot a downright cruel look at Jonathan. If looks could kill, well, Jonathan would have died more than Roger at the rate Alanna was shooting looks. Jon sighed.

"They stay and can go to the ball. But, Numair, try to get them back soon."

"I will try."

"You are all dismissed."

The Next Day: Right before the ball

It was finally about time for the ball. The day had been hectic, to say the least. The woman had been fighting all day over the small amount of makeup that they had managed to obtain. Catherine had forced Sara down and had managed to do her hair. Calleigh and Lilly had gotten into a fight over a dress, until Yelina walked up and took her dress, calling over her shoulder "yours is over there." Olivia had some trouble figuring out how the hell she was supposed to get into the maze of a dress. Finally, they looked good, the rooms on the other hand, well, lets just say it looked like a tornado had tore through it and had no mercy. It was a mess. A knock on the door told them it was time. The men had agreed to escort the woman down to the ball. They were dressed in nice breeches and shirts and had even managed to drag Grissom out of his room. The door opened to reveal six women. Nick gasped as he caught a look at Sara who wore a stunning lavender gown. Greg's eyes just about popped out of his head as Calleigh emerged in a soft light pink gown, then out came Olivia who made Warrick take a double look in a emerald green gown, followed by Lilly in a peach gown which caused Speed to come over to escort her. Yelina took Horatio's breath away in a deep scarlet gown. Catherine was last and looked wonderful in a royal blue dress. They then headed down to the ball.

The ballroom was breath taking. The Americans had never seen any thing like it. Well, they had, but it had a dead person in it. And when you have to work at a scene, well, you just don't pay much attention to the beauty of it. They noticed Daine in the corner, her arms linked with Numair, who wore a long black robe. Daine herself wore a pale blue dress, with her nifty brown curls tumbling down her back. (A/N: I know that made no sense. I was just tired of seeing the phrase "smoky curls" and I like the word nifty. Lol.) Warrick and Olivia were the first of the small group to go on the dance floor. They were soon followed by Lilly and Speed. Greg weaseled his way up to Calleigh.

"You look beautiful. Wanna dance?"

Calleigh laughed. She knew what he was up to, but decided to play along anyways. "Ok." Sara and Nick were watching from the side.

"Looks like Greg got the girl."

"Nah, I think she's going to make him suffer some later on." Sara replied.

An hour later, Sara, Nick, Yelina, and Horatio were getting bored. Scotty and Elliot had left earlier, on account of they both had a girlfriend of wife and didn't particularly care for dancing. Eric had found several single Tortallian women and was having an awesome time dancing. "Common, lets go outside" Nick whispered. Sara agreed and followed him to the out doors patio. It was a pretty big area with many places where one could be alone. The two CSI's found a nice quiet area and stared at the sky.

"It's so nice here." Sara's voice was soft.

"Yeah, I don't mind being here that much, though I would like my own clothes." Nick looked at his garments in disgust.

Sara laughed. "Aww, you look cute in them!"

"Yah, well, you look pretty good yourself."

She laughed. "Do you say that to all of the ladies?"

"No-only the few I really like." Nick didn't mean to say the last part, it had just come out. But he was, in a way, glad he had finally blurted it out.

"ar-are you saying you like me?" Sara's voice was barely a whisper.

"Yeah, I have for a while. But, I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sor," Sara's lips pressing against his own cut him off. She pulled back. "So, is that your way of saying you like me back?" Sara just let out a small laugh and kissed him again, this time for a longer more passionate kiss.

Yet somewhere else on the same patio place, another corny moment was taking place! Yelina and Horatio just stood enjoying the silence for a while. Horatio was the first to break the silence. "So, are you still going out with that-that guy?

"Yeah, but it's nothing serious. I'm only dating him because the person I really like hasn't made his move." She blushed as she said the last part. Horatio turned to her and stepped closer.

"Oh really. Well, do I know him?"

She smirked. "I think you know him pretty well." The two were very close now.

"I like you a lot Yelina. I've just been afraid to ask you out."

"Here's your chance."

"Will you go out with me?"

Her reply was a soft kiss that left Horatio stunned. "Of course." And with that, they were pulled into another long awaited kiss.

Now back to corny scene number one...lol

Sara and Nick finally broke their kiss for breath. She smiled. "That was nice." Nick nodded.

"We should probably get back. They might wonder where we are."

"Ok, you go ahead. I just want to stay out here a little while longer." She kissed him once more. "Go on, I'll meet you in there." Nick was so happy going in that he didn't see Grissom coming from the ballroom.

"Hello Sara." Sara whirled around to see her boss. He walked next to her. She quickly tried to wipe the happy grin off her face left by Nick.

"Hey Gris."

"You look very beautiful tonight."

"Um, thanks." Sara was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. Why was Grissom acting so weird? She soon got her answer.

"Listen Sara, I like you a lot. Would you like to go out sometime." And without waiting for an answer, he kissed her.

**-SLAP-** at lightening speed Sara slapped the older man as hard as she could across the face. "Fuck you." That was all she said before storming off. If she hadn't been so pissed off, she might have noticed Catherine come out.

Catherine walked up to find Grissom holding the side of his very red face in shock. "What the hell happened."? He looked at her.

"I made a bad mistake. I tried to kiss Sara." Catherine just shook her head.

"I didn't know you liked her back."

"I didn't know either." Suddenly Grissom relised how gorgeous Catherine looked. He was overcome with a new feeling. On a whim, he leaned down and kissed Catherine.

**-SLAP-**

"Ouch!" Catherine smirked.

"Maybe I'll let you later, but not 'til I say." And with that, Catherine walked off laughing, leaving a confused Grissom.

"Damn. Not again." He mumbled, rubbing his face, which by now was on fire. "Those ladies sure can hit hard."

A/N: okokok, I know, I had some scarily corny parts. -Blushes- well, I try! Lol. Well, I had some fun hurting Grissom. I will have more pairings and romance, but the two couples I set up tonight are the two pairings I think completely and totally belong together. And I actually might be nice to Grissom one day and let him be with Catherine, but only if you review. Lol. Well, please tell me what you think by REVIEWING. Remember, it's Fourth of July and reviews would make my day! So, review.

NOTE: the part with the Tortallians, if you don't understand, just ignore. You have to read the Song Of The Lioness quartet by Tamora Pierce to understand a lot of that.

Emily


	6. GET OUT GREG!

A/N: Hey y'all! Well, here's another chapter. I'm going to try to make this the last long authors note in my story because I have gotten some complaints. But I need to answer some questions. First I have a question: why are are the funny CSI stories G/S? Grrrr, that makes me mad. Ok, I'm better now. Lol. Ok, answers to questions, right. Someone made me relies I might have made a little mistake in the spelling of Grissom's name. Whistles innocently. I'm NOT going back and changing the whole story though, sorry, I'm too lazy. Also, in case you haven't noticed, this is totally A/U (what does that mean? I'm still not sure. Lol.) And the characters are way OOC. This is for my and hopefully your, amusement. Also, I am a N/S fan. I don't care if right now CBS is kinda pushing S/G, I don't like it. And it's my story so I can do whatever I want with theses characters. Mwahaha. And I am updating this story on the Tamora Pierce and CSI fan boards. I don't bother with the L&O and CSI: Miami. Well, that's it. Please enjoy and please review.  
  
Emily  
  
Disclaimer: still not mine.  
  
It was very late when the groups got back to their rooms. Everyone was to tired to notice Sara, Yelina, Nick, and Horatio carried huge grins and Grissom's face was red and puffy from being smacked. They woke up late the next morning. The guys were actually awakened before dark, by a very loud voice singing. It turned out Greg now Sleep sang. And he was off key. This got Greg kicked out of the room. So he decided to try to charm his way into the ladies room. He wasn't anymore welcome there. "No one wants me," he thought rubbing his head, where someone had thrown a high-heeled shoe at him. He wondered around a bit until he found a hall of many rooms. Slash. Greg whirled around when he heard what sounded like some big sharp object cutting through the air. It was coming from the room next to him. Then, there was a small yelp from the room. Greg decided to break in and save the day. "Hrm, If I save the day by breaking in, everyone will love me!" he liked this idea. So he backed up and attempted a fancy kicking the door down trick. Needless to say, all this accomplished was a hurt foot. So he tried the doorknob. This worked. Pleased with himself, he crept into the room.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL?" a female voice screamed as a dog jumped on Greg. He looked to see a young girl, about 12 (A/N: I think that's right, if Daine's 18?) she was tall and very muscular, with her hair cut in a bob. She held a long stick, with very sharp objects at the end. An older girl peeked out from behind a curtain.  
  
"I'm here to save you! From whatever I heard out there."  
  
"Kel, what is going on? I know you like to get up early but must you wake us all up. And who's this and what's he doing here?" another boy ran up behind Greg. He was about 17 with tussled light brown hair and emerald eyes.  
  
"I don't know, that's what I was wondering." She pointed the long sharp object at Greg, who held his hands up.  
  
"Whoa, I was just trying to help. I heard a whimper and what sounded like slashing from outside." He took a step back. "What are you doing? Little girls have no business with long sharp objects." He tried to interrogate the girl. She looked at the boy.  
  
"Neal, erm, should he like, get a healer or something?" the boy slowly walked over to her.  
  
"I dunno. Who are you?"  
  
"I'm Greg. I got kicked out by my friends from my room, and then the girls through a shoe at me." He touched the forming bump on his head before adding, "Olivia sure can aim well." Kel and Neal just looked at him speechless. Suddenly, a look of reliesation came over Neal's face.  
  
"These are the people from the past master Numair was talking about!"  
  
"So they ARE crazy."  
  
"Yeah, but I don't think they are dangerous."  
  
"Kel, Neal, what's going on here?" A big red head came walking into the room. He eyed the two suspiciously. "Is there something your not telling me?" Kel and Neal told him the story. "Oh, well, I'm going to sleep then. Night." As he walked out, they could hear him yell out "a crazy man wondered into Kel's room. Every things ok." Then they heard a bunch of closing doors.  
  
"Well, lets go return this guy." Neal followed as Kel led Greg to his rooms. Nick answered the door to find to kids with Greg. The young girl pushed Greg towards the door.  
  
"This belongs to you." Nick shook his head.  
  
"That's the second time someone's returned a CSI to us." Neal and Kel just shrugged and turned around. As the door shut, Neal whispered to Kel.  
  
"Master Numair was right, they are crazy."  
  
A/N: short chapter, I know. The next one will be longer, I think. Lol. I hope you liked. Kel, Neal, and the red head are from The Protector Of The Small series by Tamora Pierce. And Kel had what's called a Glaive. Well, please review!  
  
Emily 


	7. Murder in The Chamber of Ordeals

A/N: um, review and enjoy!  
  
Emily  
  
Disclaimer: wish as I might, none of this is mine.  
  
The next afternoon, around dusk, chaos broke out. Lilly caught up to Alanna to find out what happened.  
  
"The Chamber of Ordeals killed someone!" all the Americans had been nearby and automatically went into work mode. Grissom finally snapped out of his craziness, at least temporarily while he went into CSI mode.  
  
"Where's the crime scene?" Grissom took charge as Horatio and his team went to find things to use to collect evidence. Alanna looked at them funny.  
  
"Erm, the chambers this way." Everyone followed Alanna. When they got there, Olivia, Elliot, Lilly, Scotty, and Yelina went to interview people and take statements. Horatio's team came back with some odds and ends that could be used to collect evidence. Speed noticed some people taking away a body and chased them down.  
  
"What are you doing with that?"  
  
"Erik, go with him to collect body evidence. I don't think there are coroners here." Erik quickly followed Horatio's directions.  
  
Warrick, Nick, Sara, the perimeter." Sara and Nick were happy to work together and quickly went around to the other side of the room, and Warrick, afraid to put Grissom back into insanity, took the front of the room, leaving Grissom, Catherine, Horatio, and Calleigh to go inside the Chamber of Ordeals. They started walking in when Alanna stopped them.  
  
"What do you think you are doing?"  
  
"Collecting evidence from the crime scene."  
  
"You want to go inside the Chamber?"  
  
"Yah."  
  
"You have got to be kidding me. No way!"  
  
"Why not?" Catherine was confused.  
  
Alanna just stared at them. "Excuse me, your blocking my crime scene." With that, Horatio pushed past Alanna. Grissom, Catherine, and Calleigh followed him. They went through the heavy doors, which slammed behind the four, leaving them trapped in the Chamber of Ordeals.  
  
It was very dark in the room, except for the faint light that streamed in through a small window high up. A chill ran through the room. And then the voice.  
  
"You stupid humans." That's all it said before the visions came.  
  
Grissom: He's in a glass room. A window looks over a big fire pit. They are burning something. He looks to see what it is. He gasps. They are burning millions of latex gloves! He turns to someone next to him. "What's going on?"  
  
"They are destroying every latex glove ever made. They are non-existent." Grissom starts banging on the glass window, trying to save the gloves."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" He screams. "NOT THE GLOVES! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Catherine (A/N: hers is actually serious! Gasps don't worry, it's the only one. Lol.) There are many children, including Lindsey. They are chained together and being pushed slowly one by one into a bottomless pit. She tries to help but she cant. She is helpless. She is forced to watch and not do anything about it. She breaks down and tries to look away, but she cant.  
  
"MOMMY!" She tries to help her daughter, to scream out to her. But she can't talk or move. She can only watch.  
  
Calleigh: She is on a street, one she recognizes as being busy. It's near a club. But everything is quiet. Everything is grey. She notices people around her. They are walking in a straight row, wearing plain brown long sleeved dressed for the girls. The outfit reached the ankle and shows no cleavage. She looks at her own outfit. It to had NO CLEAVAGE! She screams. Then, she gets the sudden earge to smile and talk. She tries but all she can say is "hello" in a plain sullen voice. She can't smile. Then she relieses it. The world is perkiness and cleavage less.  
  
"NOOOOOOOO!" she tries to scream. She can only say an emotionless hello. Inside she is screaming. "NOOOOOOO!"  
  
Horatio: he is at a store, its one that carries many sunglasses. He goes to the counter.  
  
"Got any sunglasses?" he asks. The clerk looks at him strangely.  
  
"Don't you remember? Sunglasses have been banned. They were all destroyed." Horatio looks horrified as he reaches for his customary sunglasses. That's when he relises he had none!  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screams. "HOW SHALL I LIVE? I AM SUNGLASSESLESS!" he breaks down sobbing. He keeps repeating "nonono" over and over again.  
  
The door opened to reveal four CSI's, all curled up hugging themselves. Horatio was rocking back and forth, murmuring "my glasses my glasses." Catherine was sobbing; Calleigh was sitting stiffly and trying to scream through her tightly shut mouth. Finally, there was Grissom, who was curled up in a fetal position in a corner. He was sucking his thumb and had a far off look in his eyes. Sara, Nick, and Warrick just stared at their boss.  
  
"Yup, they've officially lost it."  
  
A/N: I hope you liked! The Chamber of Ordeals is what squires go through to be knights. It makes the person face their worse fear. Well, review!  
  
Emily 


	8. IMPORTANT!

A/N: ok, I must comment on a review I just received before I continue the story. I think that this is an extremely important note that you guys really need to read. I have been told many times that my writing is "immature" and other things like that. how many times must I say this: I KNOW that this writing is immature. I did not write this story to use all the good writing techniques. I wrote this because I was bored and the idea just came to me. It is purely FOR FUN! I have fun writing it, and I hope you have fun reading it to. I am fully aware of what good writing is. If you want something seriouse, go to my page and you will see that I do have other fics, ones that are serious and everyone is in character. Before you tell me I need to read others and stuff, please LOOK at my other fics. And I'm sorry if I ruined the series or TV shows for anyone, but maybe you need to loosen up a bit. This is just things my twisted mind came up with that I found amusing. This is the last time I am saying this though: THIS IS A/U(whatever that means) PEOPLE ARE OOC!!! THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE GOOD WRITING...JUST HUMOROUS!!  
  
Also, yes, I am bashing Gris and Greg. I really do like them, I just find bashing them even funner. Lol. Emily 


	9. swords and chases

A/N: hey! You didn't think that one rude comment would really keep me away, did you? Lol. Well, major writers block at the moment, please bare with me. And review. I was gone for 3 days and got ONE review. Sobs I need more! So, review! Oh yes, how do you find challenges? Like I see people responding to "the blank challenge of the week." And stuff, but how do you find those? Please tell me.  
  
Emily  
  
Disclaimer: nope, not mine.  
  
WARNING: very A/U and everyone is VERY OOC!!!!!  
  
"What happened to you guys?" Warrick asked, stifling his laughter. Alanna, who had joined the group, answered.  
  
"They went through the Ordeal. It is the final test squires go through to become knights. It makes them face their worse fears." The knight explained. She then looked at the four shaking figures. "Get out of there." Catherine and Calleigh obeyed. Horatio slowly wobbled out, leaving only Grissom. Alanna rolled her eyes and escorted the older man out.  
  
"Damn, did Gris go crazy again?" Greg seemed to come from nowhere. Sara, Nick, and Warrick nodded.  
  
"I think its no mystery why the kid died." Catherine's voice was shaky.  
  
"Erm, lets get them to bed or something." Sara was afraid that the four CSI's were going to collapse.  
  
THE NEXT DAY  
  
Those who had been in the Chamber had recovered after a nice rest. They were still shaken up, but they were much better. Now, the girls sat in a palace garden. They were chatting about life and work.  
  
"So, you guys have the number two crime lab in the country? Wow. Next time we have a dead end, we should give you a call." Olivia, like Lilly, Calleigh, and Yelina, were very interested in the Vegas CSI.  
  
"What I find interesting is that you still have time to form relationships with colleagues." Lilly laughed as Sara's face went beat red. Catherine turned to the younger woman.  
  
"Oh really. Is that why you slapped Gris?" Catherine was filling in the blanks. In a way, she really wasn't surprised that Sara and Nick would be dating.  
  
"There's no rule against it." Yelina defended Sara.  
  
"You would know." Catherine smirked. Yelina Paled.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You and Horatio!"  
  
"He FINALLY made his move? Yeah! The guys owe me fifty bucks." Calleigh got up. "Now its pay up time!" she walked off smiling.  
  
Just then, Eric, Nick, Warrick, Greg, Speed, and Scotty walked out.  
  
"HEY! You owe me fifty bucks. He made his move!" Eric and Speed groaned. Nick shot Sara a questioning glance and she nodded.  
  
"They figured it out." Sara smiled as Nick came over and wrapped his arms around her. Warrick did not look surprised, but Greg looked at them in disbelief.  
  
"Does Gris know?" Warrick made them remember that one day their boss would find out.  
  
"Of course not, they are still alive."  
  
"Greg!"  
  
"Its true. He's gonna kill you."  
  
"Who's killing who?" Alanna, Daine, and Numair walked towards the gang. Upon seeing the men, Numair Quickly turned around.  
  
"Hey, Alanna, can you teach me how to use a sword?" Calleigh perked up at the thought.  
  
"Um, sure." She turned around and motioned for the girls. "Follow me."  
  
"So, you and Sara?" Nick glared at Warrick who laughed.  
  
Alanna handed each woman a wooden practice sword. She picked up her own and started demonstrating a bunch of moves. Then, she asked the Americans to try. Needless to say, it was a disaster.  
  
Sara somehow managed to stub her toe. Catherine punched Yelina in the stomach with the sword, who in return hit Catherine's leg. Calleigh's sword flew out of her hands, narrowly missing Alanna. Olivia punched the dull wooden sword into her stomach. Being dull, all it did was knock the wind out of her. And Lilly, well, she somehow managed to whack herself in the head. She landed on the floor in a hard thump.  
  
"We have a lot to work on" Alanna remarked, looking at the sorry sight playing out before her.  
  
Later that day, after taking care of her various bruises, Sara met up with Nick on the outer halls. Little did they know that Grissom had just woken up? And he was taking a walk.  
  
Grissom needed to clear his head. That's why he decided to take a walk around the palace. As he walked, he suddenly heard laughter. The sound was familiar, so he went to investigate. His jaw hit the ground as he saw Nick and Sara, kissing passionately.  
  
"NICK!! SARA!!!" his voice echoed angrily throughout the palace, causing Catherine to walk outside to see what was going on.  
  
"Um, hey Gris. Um, we were going to tell you once we got back home. This only happened at the ball."  
  
"Erm, yeah." Sara agreed, backing up slowly. The look in Grissom's eyes was downright scary.  
  
"Um, Sara, lets get going. I think Gris needs some time to himself." Nick joined Sara in backing up.  
  
"GET BACK HERE!" Grissom broke into a run, chasing Nick and Sara. The raced past Catherine, who stood there shaking her head. "JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!" Warrick and Greg Joined Catherine in watching the chase.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"Gris found out about Sara and Nick and now he's trying to kill them."  
  
"Oh, maybe we should save them."  
  
"I guess so." Reluctantly the gang started chasing after their crazed boss. Warrick easily caught up with Grissom and held the older man back.  
  
"Ok, Gris, I think you and Nick need to talk calmly."  
  
"Ok. Fine."  
  
"Nick?"  
  
"I'm fine with it."  
  
"Good. I'm going to leave you two so you can have some quiet time."  
  
Nick and Grissom stood staring each other down. Nick was the first to speak.  
  
"Ok man, I'm sorry but I'm in love."  
  
"But I'm in love to!"  
  
"But it just wouldn't work out!"  
  
"If we gave it a chance it would!"  
  
"But what about Sara?"  
  
Just then Kel and Neal came strolling by. The two had heard the whole conversation and now Kel was telling Neal rather loudly "see, I told you two men together wasn't an insult."  
  
"I guess in some cultures its not. But here, it's just wrong." Neal stole a disgusted glance at Nick and Grissom, plainly telling them that they had been the subjects of that conversation.  
  
"HEY! We aren't in love with each other!" Nick was insulted.  
  
"You know, in a way that has a nice ring to it..."  
  
"Dude, don't even say it. Don't even say it."  
  
A/N: well, I hope you liked! Please review! I must know what you think. Also, sorry but there will be no raunchy and descriptive 'bed' scenes. Lol. I can barely write a kiss scene. Hehehe. So, remember to review! I barely got any last time. Anyone who reviews will get the CSI or Tortallian of his or her choice! Yes, just review. And if its really nice, I may throw in a second guy free! Lol. So, review!  
  
Emily 


	10. ponies, drinks, and Tarzan

**A/N:** hey! Just a quick note. Yes, I have this story posted on two boards, but I'm not breaking any rules. The two stories are different documents. Therefore, no rules were broken. Just thought I would mention that. Well, please enjoy! And don't forget those reviews!  
  
**Disclaimer:** if any of the characters belonged to me, I would be in a nice comfy chair instead of this wood one, I would have a super computer, and I would have a big screen TV in my room, not a tiny purple one.  
  
**WARNING: very A/U! Also, everyone is VERY OOC!  
**  
"Hey, do you guys have like, a town?" Catherine was getting bored. They had been in the palace for quite a while, and she wanted to get out.  
  
"Yeah! Of course. You guys wanna go?"  
  
"Yeah! Let me tell the rest of the girls and men and get ready."  
  
And hour later, they were meeting Alanna out side the stables.  
  
"Ok, lets get some horses. Do you guys know how to ride?" every ones shook their head. She sighed. "Ok, well, we will pick out some horses with the help of Daine. The younger girl popped her head out from a stall and waved.  
  
"Just don't stick me with the crazy pony!" Grissom still hadn't recovered from his encounter with Cloud.  
  
"Ok, Come with me, while I get you a horse." Daine paired Lilly with a soft palomino gelding named Jolly. Calleigh got a young dappled gelding named Slappy while Sara got an appaloosa gelding named SeaStar. Catherine was to ride a soft Grey mare named Lacy, and Olivia a Strawberry roan mare named Sandy. Yelina got a gleaming black gelding named Beamer. Nick got a beautiful bay gelding named Pita, Warrick with a blue roan mare named Blu. On the Paint mare Splash was Eric, Speed saddled on a liver chestnut mare named Legs. Horatio was riding another Bay gelding, named Nookers, and Elliot rode the chestnut gelding Breeze. Scotty rode a grey mare named Calliope. Greg was saddled on a slow buckskin gelding, named Buster, who kept coming to a dead stop and trying to turn around and bite Greg. Daine cursed. The only horse left was a pony, she sighed. Grissom would have to ride her. So Grissom was paired with the chestnut pony mare, Lady.  
  
For the most part, everyone was getting along with his or her mount. Daine had talked to the horses, and had convinced them to be nice. Even Buster was being relatively nice, though he occasionally tried to bite Greg. But Lady, well, she wasn't so nice. The young mare decided that she would much rather munch on grass than be ridden, and therefore was stopping dead and jerking her head down. Poor Grissom didn't know what to do, so he smacked the mare on the butt. Lady's response was to leap up in the air and kick out, leaving Grissom on the ground. The group laughed out loud, at the site of Lady munching soundly on grass, and Grissom lying on the ground.  
  
Nick pulled his sweet, beautiful, breathtaking, amazing in everyway gelding up to Grissom. Pita looked at the man on the ground, his big, and gentle brown eyes filled with amusement. Pita's big blaze drew Grissom to his big sweet head. Even though he wasn't a horse person, Grissom could see Pita was amazing.  
  
Daine managed to round up Lady and convince the beautiful chestnut mare to be semi nice, so the rest of the ride was uneventful. When they reached the Market, hustlers took their horses at the Dancing Dove. It was about noon, so they followed Alanna into the tavern.  
  
"I met my husband here. He was the king of thieves." Alanna explained to the group as they sat down.  
  
"HEY! I bet us guys can out drink you ladies!" Greg challenged. The girls laughed.  
  
"As if!"  
  
"Yeah right!"  
  
"Hey! We could!" Speed shot back. The men agreed.  
  
"Wanna have a contest? Winner has to... ENDURE THE WRATH OF THE EVIL CHEERLEADERS!!!!!!!!"  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NO! NOT THE CHEERLEADERS!" Greg started shaking. The thought scared everyone.  
  
"OK!" Elliot was sure they could beat the girls. So they ordered their shots.  
  
"One. Two. Three. GO!" Alanna was going to judge.  
  
Well, as it turns out, women can really hold their alcohol. They out drank the men easily. As she saw how drunk the group was though, Alanna immediately regretted letting them have the contest. She groaned as she saw how drunk they truly were. Nick, Sara, Calleigh, Warrick, and Scotty were all giggling like morons and were tripping all over themselves. Catherine was dancing on top of the table, while Eric and Speed cheered her on. Yelina and Horatio were telling very personal things to each other, very loudly. Olivia and Elliot were talking nonsense to some poor bystander. Grissom was passed out; he couldn't hold his beer very well. And Greg, well, Greg apparently thought he was Tarzan, had climbed onto the table right, and was now swinging from the low hanging lights.  
  
"Shit" Alanna said out loud. "These people are crazy enough sober, now I have to handle them drunk." She thought in despair.  
  
CRASH "HEY! That's not very nice Mr. Light."  
  
**A/N:** hey, I actually sort of liked that chapter. Ok, in case you can't tell, Pita and Lady are my real life horses. That is why I spent a lot of time describing them in a way that really didn't make sense. Also, sorry if I insulted any cheerleaders. It's a long story, you don't want to no. So, please, tell me what you think and review!  
  
**Emily **


	11. TARZAN MONKEY MAN!

**A/N:** hey y'all. I had to take down this story on the Tamora Pierce board sadly, due to the fact that I was breaking the rules. Thank you for bringing that up. Thank you so much to those of you who are reviewing. Reviews seriously make my day. So, continue to review!  
  
Emily  
  
**Pairings (if its not obvious):** Sara/Nick, Catherine/Grissom, Daine/Numair, Alanna/George (Tamora Pierce pairings), Yelina/Horatio, and a whole lot more strange pairings my extremely messed up mind came up with!  
  
**Summary:** Characters from CSI, CSI: Miami, Law and Order: SVU, and Cold Case get dropped into the fictional world of Tortall and chaos ensues.  
  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing except for the voices in my head. Oh! I also own Stan Imdaman and the Yo Song.  
  
**WARNING: (I have to put this, after a few people complained about the fact that my story was, well, Twisted) Very A/U, and everyone is very OOC. Basically, this is just a fun story  
**

* * *

Alanna groaned in dismay at the sight of the drunken Americans. She had no idea what she could do. She knew she had to get some help to get them back to the palace, but she couldn't just leave them here by themselves. They would destroy the place. She stood, deep in thought when an idea hit her. Of course! She would simply get the owner to let her use two rooms and she would lock them in the rooms.  
  
She walked over to a corner table, where the current owner sat. He greeted her as she sat across from him. "Hey. I need a favor. These people are so drunk, and I need to get them back to the castle. I need to ride and get some help but I can't leave them here, I don't exactly want this place to be destroyed. Will you let me lock them up in some rooms?"  
  
"Alanna, people get to drunk here all the time."  
  
"That man is swinging from the lights and the lady is dancing on the bar."  
  
"Oui. Ok, let me get my helper. STAN!" and short man came running over. His dirty blond hair hung over his eyes in a shaggy style. "Alanna, this is Stan Imdaman."  
  
"So cool to meet you Mrs. Knight." The mans voice was spacey. "So, what do you want me to do?"  
  
"Escort those drunk people to some rooms please."  
  
"Sure." Stan Imdaman walked over to where the drunken Americans were acting like morons.  
  
"I AM DA MONKEY MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for the second time that afternoon, Greg landed with a thump at Stan Imdaman's feet. He got up and faced Stan Imdaman. Stan's face was amazed.  
  
"Wow, I want to fly like that."  
  
"Wanna be a Tarzan Monkey Man with me?"  
  
"Awesome, can I swing?"  
  
"Duh." Greg drunkenly sighed. Stan Imdaman suddenly stood up on a table.  
  
"I wrote a new poem song."  
  
"Oh shit." Murmured the owner. Alanna looked at him questioningly.  
  
"Ok, This is the Yo Song." Announced Stan. He began to walk side to side, his hands in a fist, with his thumb and pinky sticking out and started thrusting his hands down towards each other.  
  
"YO! My Name is Stan And YO! I come from Alabam And YO! I'm a really sexy man And YO! Yo Yo Yo Yo."  
  
He ended the awesome song by jumping three times to one side. Alanna stared in horror at the young man before whispering, "at least you could have sent someone sober to take care of them!"  
  
"Um, he is sober. He's just mentally unstable. When he was a young lad, he disrupted a mage. The mage, created a load of bricks in a rage of fury that thumped on Stan's head. I think the mage also accidentally made him, well, pretty brainless."  
  
"Just get those people in a room locked up!"  
  
"Ok, sorry about Stan." Alanna stomped off to where the horses were. She swiftly tacked up her horse and mounted and took off at a gallop towards the stables. Daine was the first person Alanna saw.

* * *

"DAINE! I need help! Those people are so drunk, and they are even crazier. I need help getting them back here!" Daine would have laughed at the situation, if the Lioness had not been famous for her sharp tong and short temper.  
  
"Alright, let me get a cart hooked up to Mangles."  
  
It didn't take long to get the cart set up on the big draft. Explaining the situation to him, Mangles was happy to go as fast as he could. As Daine and Alanna raced back to the Dancing Dove, Alanna silently preyed that The Americans wouldn't destroy the City. She was very relieved to find every thing still in tact. She had been expecting to find the Dancing Dove engulfed in flames or something like that. It took an hour for Daine and Alanna to load up the Drunken group into the cart. They were both exhausted by the time the got back to the palace and forced the drunk, babbling group into the healer wing, where the healer drugged all of them into a deep sleep.  
  
Finally, all was quiet, the Men and Women that had been so drunk now asleep. The only sound was that of Greg occasionally mumbling "no! Not the Evil Cheerleaders! NO! Don't let them get me!!!!!!!!"

* * *

**A/N:** and so my chapter ends. Yes, the Yo Song IS a real song, written and sang by yours truly. **Takes a bow.** to imagine Stan Imdaman and how the dance and song go, imagine Stan sounding like a stereotype druggy, with a skater hair cut. And the Yo Song is a rap. To imagine the dance moves, think of someone jumping side to side like a moron, with arm motions doing that hand thing rappers do.  
  
**This is an important note!** I am thinking about ending this soon and starting a sequel. In the sequel, The Americans would return to our time, but they would not go alone. With them would be the some Tortallians. I have some ideas already for it, and I would like to write one. But I AM NOT going to waste my time writing something if you aren't going to read it. So, tell me what you think. Would you like to see me continue here? Or do you think I have gone to long as it is and should stop. I need your reviews and opinions guys! And I still don't know how to find challenges, I'm awaiting someone to answer that question. Lol. So, please review, and tell me what you think of my idea and my story so far.  
  
Emily 


	12. The End

**A/N:** well folks, this is it. The last chapter. Wow, I can't believe it. I'm still not sure about a sequel. So far, no one had told me to do one. Please tell me what you think! As my story ends, I want to thank all of you that reviewed, well, except for the nasty people. But I do need to thank one reviewer in particular. Though this reviewer was definitely not a big fan of my story, she still reviewed faithfully and was perhaps my most helpful reviewer. Ruby Silverman, thank you for your honest opinion and helpful hints of this story. Throughout the story, you brought several important things to my attention. So, thanks for your helpful criticism. Even if it was brutally honest and not really complimentary. Lol. And to the rest of my reviewers, thank you SO much. You have absolutely no idea of how much your reviews mean to me. Please keep reviewing this story.  
  
**Disclaimer:** not mine. Still.

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Scotty groaned as he woke up. He looked around, where was he, what happened? He remembered everything when he heard Greg scream "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NO! EVIL CHEERLEADERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he looked around. The rest of the group was slowly rousing, after hearing Greg scream. Alanna stood, looking at the group. Ten minutes later, everyone had woken up and was now shooting questions at Alanna. She laughed.  
  
"Everyone, slow down. You were pretty drunk. The ladies won the bet." The guys groaned. "And I'm not even going to explain how you acted, it's to scary."  
  
Catherine winced. She was scared to know what she did. From the looks on her friend's faces, she could tell they thought the same thing.

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**The Next Morning**  
  
"HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!"  
  
"GREG!!!!!!!"  
  
"OUT!"  
  
Greg landed for the second time out side of the rooms. Still sleepy, he again walked into the girl's room. This time though, he wasn't so lucky. He happened to walk in while they were changing. He raced out of the room, followed by six angry women. He raced down the pages wing and ran into the only opened door. "AHHHHH!" he screamed, running out. Now six angry women chased him, shoes in hand, and one angry girl. Glaive in hand.  
  
"What happened?" Warrick joined Nick, who was laughing very hard at the sight of this all.  
  
"The women are trying to kill Greg after he walked in on them. And the girls trying to kill him for the same reason."  
  
"So, who do you think is going to get him first?" Elliot, Horatio, Eric, Speed, and Scotty had joined the two men. Now Speed was wondering who would be the first to become a killer first.  
  
"My money's on Calleigh." Eric said.  
  
"I don't know, my moneys on the little girl with the sharp object." Warrick said with confidence. Scotty agreed.  
  
"I say Sara, you know how she gets when she's mad." Nick persisted.  
  
Horatio though Yelina.  
  
"You're just saying that because they're your girlfriends." Nick and Horatio couldn't really disagree.  
  
As it turned out, Numair stopped them before anyone could kill Greg. But if he hadn't stopped them, the first to kill would have been Kel. Numair came just as she was beating him up.  
  
"Hey! What did you do that for? I was just about to get him." Kel protested loudly as she was pulled off a shivering Greg. An audible groan was held from the woman, and a few of the men. Horatio stepped up.  
  
Numair looked at the group. "I have good news!" he announced. The Americans looked at him. "I have figured out how to send you back to your homes. A cheer erupted from the group. Follow me so I can get you out of here." Eagerly they followed the tall man to his study.  
  
"Hey, aren't you the monkey man guy?" Greg turned around to face Stan Imdaman.  
  
Greg stared at the man for a minute. "Where do I know you from?"  
  
"I met you at the bar. Remember?"  
  
"Ummmmm, not really."  
  
"Ok, where are you going?"  
  
"Home!"  
  
"Fun, I wanna go."  
  
"Ok, follow me." Stan brought up the lead as he followed Greg to Numair's study. Out of curiosity, Kel and Neal, who had come out after hearing Kel screaming?  
  
Waiting in the room was Daine and Alanna. Alanna was there to help with the spell, which was a difficult and powerful spell. He and Alanna started mumbling some words. Suddenly, the ground started to shake, just as it had when they had been transported to Tortall. It seemed to open up, and then there was darkness.

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Grissom opened his eyes, and smiled. He was back in the desert. And so was his team.  
  
"Are we really back?" said Sara in disbelief.  
  
"Yeah." Warrick answered. But, looking around, the CSI's realized they were not alone.  
  
"Where is this?"  
  
"This is not Tortall!"  
  
"Yo, this is weird"  
  
"NUMAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh shit, here we go again."  
  
Finished!

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Wow, my first finished fic! Well, I hope you enjoyed this one. **Please PLEASE tell me if you want a sequel**. I would like to do one, but I'm not doing it if you don't want me to. Please review and tell me your opinion. I would really like to know what you think. Thanks for reading, and remember, if you want a sequel, review and tell me!  
  
**Emily**


	13. AN: Read!

A/N: just so y'all know, there will be a sequel. It will be called A Twisted Sequel (ya ya ya, I know, real original. I suck at titles. So sue me! Lol.) it will be on the Tamora Pierce board. It will hopefully have more S/N and G/C romance, although I'm slightly weary about writing romance scenes cause they seem to turn out quite corny. Lol. Well, I hope you read and tell me what you think of the sequel!  
  
Emily 


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